Chapter XV.—He Dismisses One
Mistress, and Chooses Another.
25. Meanwhile my sins were being multiplied,
and my mistress being torn from my side as an impediment to my
marriage, my heart, which clave to her, was racked, and wounded,
and bleeding. And she went back to Africa, making a vow unto Thee
never to know another man, leaving with me my natural son by her.
But I, unhappy one, who could not imitate a woman, impatient of
delay, since it was not until two years’ time I was to obtain her
I sought,—being not so much a lover of marriage as a slave to
lust,—procured another (not a wife, though), that so by the
bondage of a lasting habit the disease of my soul might be nursed
up, and kept up in its vigour, or even increased, into the kingdom
of marriage. Nor was that wound of mine as yet cured which had been
caused by the separation from my former mistress, but after
inflammation and most acute anguish it mortified,
478
and the pain became numbed, but
more desperate.
478
In his
De Natura Con. Manich.
he has the
same idea. He is speaking of the evil that has no pain, and
remarks: “Likewise in the body, better is a wound with pain than
putrefaction without pain, which is specially styled corruption;”
and the same idea is embodied in the extract from Caird’s
Sermons
, on p. 5, note 7.