Chapter XVI.—The Privation of
Memory is Forgetfulness.
24. When I name forgetfulness, and know, too, what I
name, whence should I know it if I did not remember it? I do not
say the sound of the name, but the thing which it signifies which,
had I forgotten, I could not know what that sound signified. When,
therefore, I remember memory, then is memory present with itself,
through itself. But when I remember forgetfulness, there are
present both memory and forgetfulness,—memory, whereby I
remember, forgetfulness, which I remember. But what is
forgetfulness but the privation of memory? How, then, is that
present for me to remember, since, when it is so, I cannot
remember? But if what we remember we retain in memory, yet, unless
we remembered forgetfulness, we could never at the hearing of the
name know the thing meant by it, then is forgetfulness retained by
memory. Present, therefore, it is, lest we should forget it; and
being so, we do forget. Is it to be inferred from this that
forgetfulness, when we remember it, is not present to the memory
through itself, but through its image; because, were forgetfulness
present through itself, it would not lead us to remember, but to
forget? Who will now investigate this? Who shall understand how it
is?
25.
Truly, O Lord, I labour therein, and labour in myself. I am become
a troublesome soil that requires overmuch labour. For we are not
now searching out the tracts of heaven, or measuring the distances
of the stars, or inquiring about the weight of the earth. It is I
myself—I, the mind—who remember. It is not much to be wondered
at, if what I myself am not be far from me. But what is nearer to
me than myself? And, behold, I am not able to comprehend the force
of my own memory, though I cannot name myself without it. For what
shall I say when it is plain to me that I remember forgetfulness?
Shall I affirm that which I remember is not in my memory? Or shall
I say that forgetfulness is in my memory with the view of my not
forgetting? Both of these are most absurd. What third view is
there? How can I assert that the image of forgetfulness is retained
by my memory, and not forgetfulness itself, when I remember it? And
how can I assert this, seeing that when the image of anything is
imprinted on the memory, the thing itself must of necessity be
present first by which that image may be imprinted? For thus do I
remember Carthage; thus, all the places to which I have been; thus,
the faces of men whom I have seen, and things reported by the other
senses; thus, the health or sickness of the body. For when these
objects were present, my memory received images from them, which,
when they were present, I might gaze on and reconsider in my mind,
as I remembered them when they were absent. If, therefore,
forgetfulness is retained in the memory through its image, and not
through itself, then itself was once present, that its image might
be taken. But when it was present, how did it write its image on
the memory, seeing that forgetfulness by its presence blots out
even what it finds already noted? And yet, in whatever way, though
it be incomprehensible and inexplicable, yet most certain I am that
I remember also forgetfulness itself, whereby what we do remember
is blotted out.