XII.  Why wait for a fever to bring you this blessing, and refuse it from God?  Why will you have it through lapse of time, and not through reason?  Why will you owe it to a plotting friend, and not to a saving desire?  Why will you receive it of force and not of free will; of necessity rather than of liberty?  Why must you hear of your death from another, rather than think of it as even now present?  Why do you seek for drugs which will do no good, or the sweat of the crisis, when the sweat of death is perhaps upon you?  Heal yourself before your extremity; have pity upon yourself the only true healer of your disease; apply to yourself the really saving medicine; while you are still sailing with a favouring breeze fear shipwreck, and you will be in less danger of it, if you make use of your terror as a helper.  Give yourself occasion to celebrate the Gift with feasting, not with mourning; let the talent be cultivated, not buried in the ground; let some time intervene between the grace and death, that not only may the account of sins be wiped out, but something better may be written in its place; that you may have not only the Gift, but also the Reward; that you may not only escape the fire, but may also inherit the glory, which is bestowed by cultivation of the Gift.  For to men of little soul it is a great thing to escape torment; but men of great soul aim also at attaining reward.