Chapter I.—He Praises God, the
Author of Safety, and Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, Acknowledging His
Own Wickedness.
1. “
O Lord
, truly I
am Thy servant; I am Thy servant, and the son of Thine handmaid:
Thou hast loosed my bonds. I will offer to Thee the sacrifice of
thanksgiving.”
688
Let my heart
and my tongue praise Thee, and let all my bones say, “Lord, who
is like unto Thee?”
689
Let them so say, and answer Thou
me, and “say unto my soul, I am Thy salvation.”
690
Who am I,
and what is my nature? How evil have not my deeds been; or if not
my deeds, my words; or if not my words, my will? But Thou, O Lord,
art good and merciful, and Thy right hand had respect unto the
profoundness of my death, and removed from the bottom of my heart
that abyss of corruption. And this was the result, that I willed
not to do what I willed, and willed to do what thou willedst.
691
But where,
during all those years, and out of what deep and secret retreat was
my free will summoned forth in a moment, whereby I gave my neck to
Thy “easy yoke,” and my shoulders to Thy “light burden,”
692
O Christ
Jesus, “my strength and my Redeemer”?
693
How sweet did it suddenly become to
me to be without the delights of trifles! And what at one time I
feared to lose, it was now a joy to me to put away.
694
For Thou
didst cast them away from me, Thou true and highest sweetness. Thou
didst cast them away, and instead of them didst enter in Thyself,
695
—sweeter
than all pleasure, though not to flesh and blood; brighter than all
light, but more veiled than all mysteries; more exalted than all
honour, but not to the exalted in their own conceits. Now was my
soul free from the gnawing cares of seeking and getting, and of
wallowing and exciting the itch of lust. And I babbled unto Thee my
brightness, my riches, and my health, the Lord my God.
688
Ps. cxvi. 16, 17
.
689
Ibid. xxxv. 10
.
690
Ibid. xxxv. 3
.
691
Volebas
, though a few
mss.
have
nolebas
; and Watts accordingly renders
“nilledst.”
692
Matt. xi. 30
.
693
Ps. xix. 14
.
694
Archbishop Trench, in his exposition of the parable
of the Hid Treasure, which the man who found sold all that he had
to buy, remarks on this passage of the
Confessions
:
“Augustin excellently illustrates from his own experience this
part of the parable. Describing the crisis of his own conversion,
and how easy he found it, through this joy, to give up all those
pleasures of sin that he had long dreaded to be obliged to
renounce, which had long held him fast bound in the chains of evil
custom, and which if he renounced, it had seemed to him as though
life itself would not be worth the living, he exclaims, ‘How
sweet did it suddenly become to me,’” etc.
695
His love of earthly things was expelled by the
indwelling love of God, “for,” as he says in his
De
Musica
, vi. 52, “the love of the things of time could only be
expelled by some sweetness of things eternal.” Compare also Dr.
Chalmers’ sermon on
The Expulsive Power of a New Affection
(the ninth of his “Commercial Discourses”), where this idea is
expanded.